Vander Bites

VANDER BITES – Within days of shooting down a top secret U.S. drone spy plaen, Iran’s anti-aircraft defenses scored another high value target this afternoon: Kris Kringle.

Even the magic of Santa’s sleigh wasn’t enough to circumvent Iran’s increasingly impressive anti-aircraft weaponry, military experts say.

“Santa relies on a combination of magic and a high tech metal isomer to fly all over the world virtually undetected every year,” a Department of Defense spokesman said. “And our super expensive unmanned drone was even more complex. The only logical explanation is that Iran itself is using a magic missile defense grid.”

Iranian TV recently aired video of the sleigh, which appears surprisingly intact.

“They took out our drone from about 50,000 feet, and now they intercepted Santa at 65,000 feet, yet there is little damage to either vehicle,” the D.O.D. spokesman said. “It’s a good thing neither one were built in America, otherwise they’d be trashed.”

Republican pundit Rush Limbaugh said the news is further evidence that Iran is secretly building nuclear weapons. “If (George W.) Bush was still president this would be considered evidence of weapons of mass destruction, and indisputable justification for a full-scale military invasion,” he said.

Iranian diplomats say that Father Christmas is alive and well in an undisclosed military prison, and they’re willing to negotiate his release on the terms that “America stop broadcasting Justin Beeber Christmas specials.”