Vander Bites

VANDER BITES – Rep. Anthony Weiner’s lewd cell phone photos may have cost him his political future, but they helped land him a coveted spokesman gig with Apple’s iPhone department.

Apple’s executive team formally announced the appointment this morning, saying: “Weiner clearly understands how cell phone technology, social media and viral marketing can work together, he’s the perfect poster child for a mobile-based Internet future.”

Weiner, once considered a strong presidential candidate, said the new job is “perfect.”

“This way I can take photos of my junk all night long, and do it on company time,” he said. “And with new iPhone technology, I can take more photos in less time, and upload them to Twitter and Facebook faster than ever.”

According to analysts, iPhone sales have rocketed since the announcement. As have the number of uploads of male genital shots on social media hubs and online dating sites.

“If some guy named ‘Weiner’ can upload shots of his wiener, then so should I,” said Mi Wang, a new iPhone customer in Maine.

House Speaker John Boehner said his namesake “all but guarantees that you’ll be seeing more of me on the Internet very shortly, thanks to my new iPhone.”

But Apple’s move was strongly criticized by former NFL quarterback Brett Favre.

“I worked incredibly hard to position myself as the king of inappropriate cell phone pictures,” he said. “Weiner’s actions are nothing short of an illegal market share infringement.”

Favre plans to file a lawsuit later this week, citing several penal code infractions and a “Blatant violation of the Junket Act of 1993.”

According to sources, Favre is so upset that he’s considering returning to the NFL, again.