Vander Bites

VANDER BITES – Harold Camping’s chilling prediction about the end of days has an upside: The “Biggest Party In The History Of Man.”

“What better way to ring in the end of the world as we know it than to throw a party fit for a king… maybe even the ‘King of Kings,’” New Orleans mayor Mitch Landrieu said. “And everybody is invited, so tell all your friends.”

As the evangelic masses await Camping’s estimated May 21, 2011 rapture date, New Orleans city workers are rushing to prepare for the May 20 Bash. Even the citizens are getting into the act, hanging “Drink ‘Till You’re In Heaven” and “Jesus Loves Your Boobies” signs out of balcony windows.

New Orleans, famous for its wild party atmosphere and traditional Marti Gras parades, is the perfect location for a Rapture Marti Gras, religious experts say.

“God has already tried destroying it several times, by flood (Hurricane Katrina), fire (a bunch of frat guys accidentally setting themselves on fire) and earthquake (Charlie Sheen),” Baptist and businessman Pat Robertson said. “So in many ways, New Orleans is literally ‘Ground Zero’ in His efforts to rid the world of sinners, pestilence and people who don’t watch my TV shows or buy my merchandise.”

Even Camping himself is scheduled to make an appearance. “When the Mayor approached me about heading the festivities as the Parade Grand Marshall, I couldn’t resist,” he said. “It really helped break me out of the funk caused by a lifetime of incorrect Rapture predictions.”

“There will be other parties for sure,” Landrieu said. “But none will compare to ours. This is a once in a lifetime event, something you’ll be talking about for the rest of your life, even if the rest of your life is only another six hours or so.”