Vander Bites

VANDER BITES – The anti-government protests that are toppling Egypt’s political leadership are also congesting the city’s busiest roadways, and that translates into big bucks for the country’s traffic reporter union.

“We’ve been up in the sky 24-7, keeping an eye on the situation and advising commuters of alternate routes and how to avoid getting hit by tanks” said Jahiz Bahhz, who is known throughout the Cairo radio waves as “J-Man” of “J-Man & Rod Dawg In The Morning.”

Bahhz estimates that he’s accumulated at least 120 hours of overtime per week since the rioting protests began, which will likely add up to an extra $20 in American money, or “Enough to buy a new house, since mine was destroyed by an off-target American missile bound for Pakistan .”

“It’s chaos down there,” he said. “You’ve got guys on foot, guys on bicycles, guys in cars, crappy cab drivers and even crappier military truck drivers. But no women. Ever. We might be in the middle of pandemonium, but we have to draw the line somewhere.”

However, Egyptian police report one woman dared venture out in public, though she was quickly swept away by law enforcement officers and beaten to death. Her husband, who wears no shoes or pants, expressed “Deep embarrassment” and pledged to take preventative measures should any of his daughters “get any strange ideas.”

In related news, Green Bay Packers fans obtained from rioting within their own city after their team won Super Bowl XLV because “We don’t want to look like we’re doing it just because everybody else is.”