Alec Baldwin To Soak Up Gulf Oil Spill With His Hair
VANDER BITES – Weeks after an off-shore oil rig exploded in the Gulf of Mexico, oil executives say they have finally found a solution to the estimated 210,000 gallons of oil pouring into the ocean every day, and it’s the form of an aging movie star.
Alec Baldwin, an American film star famous for his work as a Baldwin Brother and several box office bombs, has agreed to use the seeping crude oil as hair product.
“It’s a win-win solution for everybody,” Baldwin said this morning. “The stuff is a little thin for what I need, but beggars can’t be choosers.”
Baldwin’s personal hair stylist said that nearly a quarter of a million gallons a day won’t be enough to maintain the actor’s signature slicked-back style, but “It’s a good start.”
“We go through more grease before 8 a.m. before most diesel mechanics go through in a year,” he added, before interjecting: “Ha! ‘Grease,’ that’s a good one, because he was in that movie, ‘Grease’. I should write that down.”
BP, the mega oil company responsible for the spill, said the solution came after more traditional approaches failed.
“We tried everything by the book, but nothing worked” a senior level vice president said. “We tried lying about it, we tried acting like nothing happened, we tried telling the press that the Gulf was like that before we got there, and at one point we even actually tried cleaning it up.”
