Vander Bites

VANDER BITES – Christian Bale’s on-set rant earlier this year may have hurt his public image, but it hasn’t damaged his professional opportunities. It’s even earned him the unlikely respect of another straight-to-the-point media sensation, “Judge Judy” Sheindlin.

Sheindlin’s spokesman said the berating judge was so impressed with Bale’s personal attacks that she personally recommended him to the show’s producers.

“I was with Judy the first time she heard it,” the spokesman said of Bale’s tirade. “Her eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas. She kept saying, ‘This kid’s got it.’”

CBS, which airs Judge Judy, immediately offered Bale Sheindlin’s position once she retires, though that isn’t expected until they year 2075.

“That gives me plenty of time to work on my skills,” Bale said. “I’ll wrap up what’s left of my acting career, maybe do a couple of after-school specials and Ivory Soap commercials, or whatever anybody is willing to give me now, then dedicate my free time to becoming a better insult specialist.”

CBS and Bale have already negotiated certain changes, most notably a rule that prevents anyone from walking in his sightline. Others include a ban on all amateurs, no lighting changes and a bonus for every time he curses.

In return, Bale has arranged for Sheindlin to play a major character in the next Batman movie. Sources say she could either play the role of Robin, Batman’s trusted sidekick, or Mr. Freeze, an evil villain characterized by his freeze ray and frozen heart.