Vander Bites

Calling the move “A natural progression,” disgraced Wall Street money man Bernard Madoff announced Sunday that he has started his own Amway franchised multi level marketing business.

“I’ve been coercing people into the ‘get rich quick’ mentality for years,” Madoff said. “And they’ve been trusting me entirely on blind faith. This is a natural progression.”

The new company, Madoff Products, LLC, is scheduled to officially launch next Friday with an “opportunity meeting.” The initial itinerary includes a ribbon cutting, a cocktail mixer and a presentation outlining the Amway lifestyle. Unconfirmed sources say Madoff hopes to build an initial downline of at least 100 people during the event.

“It’s really simple,” Madoff explained. “You get paid when people underneath you make money. If you sign up six people, and those people sign up four people, and all those people sign up two people, you’ll be wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.”

When asked about the actual Amway products, Madoff shrugged, “They’re pretty good, I think.”

Weeks ago, Madoff was arrested for allegedly running an illegal Ponzi scheme and defrauding investors out of billions of dollars. He has been under house arrest since, leaving only to walk his dog, and wax his Rolls Royce coupe.

John Simmons, the man who signed Madoff into the Amway system, said the ex pyramid schemer was a perfect mutli level marketing candidate.

“When I met Bernie three days ago, I saw a man who was letting the lack of money ruin his life,” Simmons said. “So I sat down with him and his wife and explained how the Amway system can make all of your financial dreams come true.”