Vander Bites

For the first time in American history, a black man ended the campaign season ranked atop the country’s final Electoral College BCS polls. President-elect Barack Obama told supporters that his message of “Change” was the determining factor.

“I think we changed the change,” Obama told a cheering crowd. “With change, change can change.”

Tuesday’s election also marked the first time the Electoral College voting system ran under the same rules that rank college sports programs. Rather than incorporating a popular vote, select members of the Associated Press and several campaign managers submitted lists that ranked the potential presidents from one to 25. A computer program then combined these lists and added in factors like ‘strength of campaign schedule’ to generate the final numbers.

Some experts had predicted Obama would carry the human polls, but that his relatively easy campaign schedule could cost him the election.

“Sure he dominated places like Denver and Chicago, but those places are Democrat strongholds anyway,” analyst Jack Towner said. “I thought McCain’s campaign trail, which included difficult places like Death Valley, North Dakota, Antarctica, pirate-infested Somalia and even Hell, would have played a much bigger factor.”

Many say the results make the case for a political playoff system.

“As it stands now, the Electoral College is based entirely on opinions,” Towner said. “I think you could make a very strong arguement, especially following this topsy-turvy election we just had, that the only real way to determine real champions is to include some sort of single-elimination or even round-robin type of tournament.”

Here are the final Electoral College standings:

1. Obama

2. McCain

3. George Bush (as played by SNL alum Dana Carvey)

4. The Michelin Man

5. John Elway

6. The NOID, a former Domino’s Pizza mascot

7. Rin Tin Tin, K-9 Cop

8. Alan Alda

9. Ortho Lawn Fertilizer

10. Big Brown, the race horse

Others receiving votes: Alex Trebek, Clorox Bleach, Axl Rose, Shrek, Monty Python and the guy who invented nun-chucks.