Vander Bites

In an unprecedented move, NASCAR officials have fined Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s campaign for unsportsmanlike driving following several election trail shenanigans.

The punishment includes a $25,000 fine and an automatic point reduction in an undetermined amount of future races.

A NASCAR spokesman said the incidents were brought to the attention of the league after Democratic vice presidential candidate Joe Biden accused Republicans of “trading paint” with Democrats.

“After reviewing footage, it’s clear that McCain was indeed campaigning too aggressively,” the spokesman said. “We all have to remember that this decision was reached in the interest of safety.”

McCain promised an immediate appeal, saying “This isn’t a go-cart league, this is a professional election. We’re all competitors fighting for the same title. You can’t expect us to go out there and ask for Grey Poupon at every pit stop.”

In other news, Virtue First, a Christian conservative watchdog group, has denounced McCain following Biden’s follow up comments: “What worries me most is that the McCain campaign is getting a little loose.”