Vander Bites

Signaling yet another blow to the dwindling U.S. economy, the Federal Government has defaulted on the Whitehouse’s mortgage payments, and the lending institution says it will auction the iconic presidential homestead to recover its losses.

European Home Bank, the mortgage firm that owns the Whitehouse note, has said it will likely auction the property off by the end of the month.

“We’d like to get it taken care of before the election,” a European Home Bank spokesman said. “If we time it right, the newly-elected president will find another home at the same time President Bush moves out. That’ll save us the hassle of an eviction.”

The bank said the financing troubles really started about three years ago when Bush refinanced the Whitehouse with a sub-prime, adjustable-rate mortgage. Financial records indicate that payments during the first two years were paid in full and on time, but when the rate increased about a year ago, payments become much more sporadic.

Since then, the bank has only received two payments, one in February and the other in June. And neither were for the full amount.

“They’re hoodlums, that’s all they are,” Bush said. “But on the bright side the Whitehouse has a killer new kitchen and I got a sweet new hunting hat out of the refinance.”

Ironically, European Home Bank was nearly ready to crumble under the weight of its ill-fated sub-prime mortgage maneuvers just a few weeks ago. Experts said that if the bank were to have failed, ownership of the Whitehouse would have returned to the American people.

But the recent announcement of a $700 billion bank bailout nullified that contingency.