Obama, McCain: Let’s Bailout Our Campaign Debts
Tensions between presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain seemed to weaken today as both men announced they have reached a unified position regarding the proposed $700 billion government-sanctioned bank buyout.
Their proposal includes a $650 billion earmark to purchase both men’s campaign debts.
“We stand here today not as opponents, but as a cohesive unit,” Obama told a sellout crowd at The Flaming Skull, where the heavy metal band Metallica was preparing to play. “Our economy needs this bailout, but only if it includes the provisions that my distinguished colleague and I have set forth.”
Because the election is so tight, both parties have incurred record campaign costs. For instance, McCain’s camp has spent $50 million alone on custom-tailored suits designed to make him look less like a corpse. And Obama’s accountants reported paying $75 million in royalties for the word “Change.”
“Turns out the rock group The Scorpions actually copyrighted the word ‘Change’ when they released their hit single “Winds of Change” about 25 years ago,” a Democrat spokesman said. “Every time Barack says ‘Change’ it costs us a nickle, so you can imagine how fast that adds up.”
He quickly added, “Oh crap, I just said it. Twice. Looks like I’ll be getting my butt reamed again.”
President Bush added his support, offering one of his favorite southern hyperbolas. ”In Texas we have a saying, ‘Don’t go outside without your boots if you want to have a picnic.’”
